Stage.

As the voices hush I lose a sense of control, I am gone and she is here and oblivion feels hot, really hot.

She speaks through me and a crowd reacts.

The lights shine and the music swells in and out and my feet feel light across the boards.

She skips along and I’m pulled for the ride.

Emotions swing between darkened intervals and the conclusion pulls me in even further.

She cries for attention like it’s her last.

After that it’s gone and I’m back and I can hear my name yelled in amongst the applause.

She did all the work but I’ll take the praise.

Untitled.

It’s never snowed around here before, so the falling ash felt kind of.. pretty, at first. Strangely beautiful, he called me that once.. that’s how I’d describe the thick white soot blowing in the hot wind.

Leaving wasn’t that hard, it never is until you think about what you’re leaving behind. This is worse though, when you start to wonder if everything you left will even still be there on your return. When I was a kid and we went on holidays I’d always be so surprised when we got home, and everything was just as I left it. I guess it’ll never be like that again.

I turn my phone over and over in my hand. I don’t expect a call - I’m assuming communication is down anyway - but I want one, badly. I can’t keep myself from wondering what he’s doing, it’s not hard to imagine him, sleeves rolled up, too busy helping everyone else to worry about getting out and saving himself.

I wonder if school is even still standing.. Are the classrooms and hallways of our whispered conversations and secret kisses burnt out and blackened now? My stomach clenches in a kind of nervous excitement when I think of that. Does love hurt this much for everyone, or only when it’s forbidden?

The radio crackles and I pay attention breifly as the presenter points the blame at global warming. All that says to me is if this part of the world wasn’t over heating it’d be washed away or freezing. Either way it all ends the same.

Mum walks in and I resist the urge to ask “who died?” as I usually do when she frowns like that. Disaster puts everything into perspective.

“Honey, I’ve got some bad news… there’s been some, soem deaths. Mrs L…loft, from the shop and Sarah’s grandmother and.. and Greg Simmons. I’m so sorry, I know he was your favourite teacher,”

Was. Past tense. I feel numb. I somehow manage a hug and fein normality long enough for her to leave me alone.

AI collapse onto the unfamiliar bes and wait for tears that don’t come. I desperately try to remember the last time we were together, but I’ve already forgotten if the last words he said to me where “I love you,” or “Greta Jones is getting suspicious. You better not come to my office for a while.” He was right, she has been acting awfully suspicious, I guess if he hasn’t burned he’d surely have been fired. I almost laugh at the irony, but the lump in my throat weighs a tonne.

It’s never snowed around here, but in the end, I reckon that could have just as easily killed us.

The Doctor Who movie.

To begin with, no, I don’t think it will be good (and by good, I mean worthy of the franchise, which is technically far more than good) and no I don’t think David Yates is a good choice for director.

Now I’ve got that summary out of that way, let me talk about why of it all.

Why I don’t think the movie will be particularly good:

To begin with Doctor Who doesn’t exactly have a good history on the big screen, I’m talking of course about the famously terrible ‘96 movie, which I admittedly have not seen, but have read/heard about and as such, don’t particularly want to see. That movie seems to have been received so poorly primarily because it Americanized something that is so inherently British. Taking away the British-isms, the skilled almost entirely British actors and writers and the whole un-blockbuster-y feel that the show has is never going to be a good idea. I am aware that Yates is British, but there’s is consideration for both American writers and an American Doctor at this point so the point still stands.

Also, I’m not trying to be racist, but it’s unavoidable.. British is stuff is just better. And, as I am neither from the UK or the US I am about as neutral as a Doctor Who fan can be.

Futhermore, I understand that this is a fairly weak reason to not look forward to the movie, but it’s an unavoidable one, so I had to say it.

Reason the second, is that the movie is very obviously intended to be big, a blockbuster and a money spinner. The choice of Yates as a director indicates that pretty clearly (more on him in a moment) if nothing else. I understand perfectly well that Doctor Who is a BIG THING, with a huge fanbase, but at least outside of the UK it is a cult fan-base. Of course this is growing (the fact that I’m even writing this is proof of that much) and of course it should grow, because the show deserves to be all that it can be. But a big ol’ movie is sure as hell not the way to do it. What, might I ask, is wrong with the way the DW fanbase is expanding all over the world through word of mouth, through each person passing on the brilliance of the show to everyone they know, in an incredibly exciting cycle that results in dedicated, hard-core fans? I think that’s brilliant, especially compared to expanding a fan-base by a big budget film that has the potential to draw millions of shoddy, fair weather fans.

Annnnd finally, let us discuss the decision to make the movie as a stand-alone, apart from the show and with a completely new Doctor. First of all, I do think this is a good idea, because at least if it’s crap it’s not going to impact too much on the show itself. But, mostly, I’m a little angered by the implausibly of it.. I mean, where is this regeneration going to fit in? As an in-between Doctor between 10 and 11 or 11 and 12? Come on guys, IT MAKES NO SENSE! The Doctor is not the sort of character you can freely adapt, he is one very very important man, and his time-line is the basis of the show. If they mess around with this, what else will they change?

Why I don’t think David Yates is good choice of director:

I have a whole lot of things I could write here, but I can summarise them adequately in one sentence-

I love Harry Potter with an intense passion and have done for at least half my life, but I find the movies … passable.

Let me conclude my rant by saying, I do think it’s okay for shows to change, especially since the ability to adapt and grow is why DW will celebrate it’s 50th anniversary is 2013, but I do not hold high hopes for this movie for the reasons I have outlined above, and several more. All the same; when Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows part two hit cinemas, I put on make-up, a cloak and a bald cap and cosplayed Voldemort and when this movie comes out, I intend to walk the streets of Melbourne as a Weeping Angel. Because that’s what a Whovian does.

If you actually read all of this, thank-you! Drop me a message in my ask with your own opinions and I’ll be sure to give you a follow :) 

Little J out x

A few days ago:

There’s something about a blank page and the inabilty to fill it that makes me feels kind of ill. I feel like maybe I can only feel right when I’m impressing someone, but that’s just sad. 

I’m not unhappy, not exactly, but I’m not at the good, clear, place I was a short time ago and damn do I miss it. Right now I’m nearly crying because my Mum let slip a present my sister bought me. I honestly don’t know what’s wrong with me anymore.

I just told Mum I want to be young forever and she said, “well you can’t,” I said that I can and she asked how.  I had to tell her I didn’t know because I wasn’t sure how to tell her the only way is to die young.

I don’t want to be normal and mature and emotionally sound because that does seem awfully boring to me but I do want to live in a way that matches how I feel. 

I make no sense when I rmable like this, really I do, but I have to let it out somehow.

Little J out x

Music NOT Monday- For Our Hero

FOR OUR HERO represent an exciting future for the Australian music industry. With their repitoire 2 Ep’s strong and their debut album not far off, now is the perfect time to give these seven hardworking boys from Melbourne a listen.

For Our Hero’s music is the perfect mix of all that is poppy, punky and positively loaded with metaphors. The transition from ‘Threw the Looking Glass’ to ‘Afterglow’ marked a significant maturation in musical style and lyrics and their upcoming album seems to be heading futher in that direction.

For Our Hero recieve comparisons with Australian bands such as Heroes For Hire and Tonight Alive but there’s something definitely more classical in their influences than just straight pop-punk. Of comparisons, For Our Hero are constantly compared to Short Stack, a band with whom they have played many times, but there’s a lot more to For Our Hero than a Short Stack support band and viewing them as such is vastly limiting. Having seen both bands play the same stage, I find it hard to believe such comparisons even exist, For Our Hero live represent an amazing experience and a audience connection comparable to American bands such as All Time Low and the Maine. 

It’s impossible to write about about For Our Hero and neglect to highlight their amazing lyrics, which are nothing short of poetry. It’s fairly unsual to find a band that is seven members strong but when the seventh memeber is a talented lyricist like Beau Taplin, it’s enough to make a foh fan livid to suggest a lyricist isn’t a “real member”.

There’s something about Geoff, Leon, Dave, Nax, Jay and Beau that is beyond likeable, and this only adds to the appeal of their band. You’ll find many purists that insist who a band are as people is unimportant, but when it’s combined with more individual talent than you can poke a stick at, it serves to make a great band, well, even greater.

With talent, personality and a willingness to give everything to the band, every member of For Our Hero makes the band what it is: a great step in the right direction for the whole of the Australian music scene.

Anyway, enough of the pretending I can write, Little J out x

When I finally get internet at home (which may not be until the new year) I’ll be putting a lot more focus into this blog, over a pushinthewrongdirection.

I don’t know why, but this one feels a lot more like me, or like who I’d like to be.

x

This morning I got awoken by a really loud knock on the door, at first I was annoyed, but when I went to find out who had been at the door it was the postman delievering a package, for me.

Turns out, my boyfriend sent me 4 books of plays, along with a postcard, “I hope these inspire you to write your own plays, love love love, Jake,” (the postcard was adressed to “Miss Jaq, the cupboard under the stairs”)

I had never mentioned to him my wish to write scripts.

I am so lucky. 

I’m sick of this town.

Sick of these people.

Sick of this autonomous lifestyle.

Sick of being lonley, but not wanting to see anyone.

Sick of missing my boyfriend.

Sick of trying to be different so I don’t get sucked in and be boring like everyone else.

Sick of not being able to go to concerts.

Sick of forcing myself to study.

Sick of being sad and angry when nothing is really wrong.

Sick of runing my ear drums just so I don’t have to listen to them talk.

Sick of realizing even some of my friends are vapid and boring.

Sick of everyone looking at me and talking about me.

Sick of being tired.

Sick of being cold.

Sick of trying to save up money.

Sick of feeling ugly, feeling fat.

Sick of always wanting more than I have.

Sick of being too self conscious to act well, until the actual stage comes into it.

/this has been an annoying & whiny post.

Little J out x

Coping.

The way I see it, there are two main kinds of people. Those who are born with an ability to cope, and those who are not.

I figure the first type of people make up most of the world, they are the people who’s sadness or anger or happiness are proportionate to what’s happening them. So if something bad happens, these people are sad, work through it and continue as normal.

The second type of people don’t work like this and they it exists to varying degrees. For example, the people born without the ability to cope may get really sad at something very small, or become very angry other nothing. There are many types of these people, but basically, they don’t cope well with their everyday life. So these people usually end up creating a coping mechanism for themselves, they could create a healthy coping mechanism, like meditation. Or they use something not so healthy to cope, whether it be alcohol, drugs, self harm, etc.

There is also a sub-group, which are the people who are born with an ability to cope, but through environmental factors, lose this ability, or this ability is impaired. This can either be, a) when something so bad happens to them, that they cannot cope with it, even though they can cope with normal problems. OR b) lots of bad things happen to them, so that they lose their ability to cope overall.

I know this is overly simplistic view of mental illness. But it makes sense in these terms.

Little J out x

Dear reality TV,

That’s fantastic that you’re losing weight, but I don’t really want to watch you run around half naked.

Oh wow! You’ve got lots of babies! Maybe, instead of making a tv show about it, you should… parent them?

You’re a hoarder. Great. Your house is a dump. Also great.

You’re a massive idiot bogan Mum, you’re a posh, pressuring stage mother, AWESOME why don’t you not swap lives, solve your own problems and GTFO.

Honestly, why would I care that some random lady hoards everything she ever touches?

Why would it matter at all that some rich bitch had a fight with some other rich bitch because they both like the same guy?

Things I’m trying to do this year.

- Ace year twelve.

- Audition for (and get in to) a theatre course at uni.

- Lead role in the school production.

- Supporting role in the community theatre production.

- Rostrum voice of youth, public speaking competition.

- Work.

- Maintain some kind of social life, especially, making time to see my best friends.

- Maintain a relationship with my boyfriend.

- Spend a fuck load of time on the internet (inevitably) including having several tumblrs.

- Write some fanfictions and pratice writing more.

- Play more music.

- Read.

- Get AT LEAST 8 hours sleep per night. I really rely on getting sleep to function. I don’t get enough, but I’m trying.

and that’s not even all, that’s just all I can think of right now.

Is it any fucking wonder I’m already burnt out?